5 Tips for a Happy and Successful Marriage

I got married at 18. My then boyfriend and I were dating for a few months when we found out we were pregnant with our first child. A month later, we were engaged and a month after that, we were married. Our life’s path suddenly changed and we were embracing it, together, forever.

The odds weren’t necessarily in our favor. 50% of all marriages end in divorce and the median duration of first marriages that end is about 8 years. Whats worse is teenage marriages are two to three times more likely to end in divorce than marriages between people over the age of 25. People thought we were crazy!

But now, my husband and I just celebrated our 9th anniversary. It is really hard to believe that I’ve spent almost a decade with that man. It’s true, time flies when you’re having fun.

I’d be lying if I said these last nine years were all sunshine and rainbow. Anyone that is married will tell you it takes effort every single day to make it work. Whoever said marriage is 50/50 partnership is obviously divorced because relationships requires 100% of your effort every single day.

Looking back, there are five major lessons I learned that helped get us this far. Things we both continue to work at to ensure our marriage thrives.

1. Never Stop Growing as an Individual and as a Couple

In our first couple of years of marriage, I remember feeling like I was always hitting a brick wall in our communication. I finally decided to admit to myself that I didn’t know what I was doing.

So I started reading more books on marriage and relationships, parenting, and family cohesiveness. I wanted to learn how to communicate more effectively and how to handle disagreements. Personal growth is contagious so once I started to work on myself, my husband was eager to learn something he knew nothing about as well. Growing together allowed us to mature faster so we could better understand each other’s wants and needs.

• 

• 

2. Figure Out Each Other’s Love Language

One of the most important books that I have ever read is The Five Love Languages. The idea that everyone has a love tank that needs to be filled in different ways was such an eye opener. My husband and I have similar ways of showing and receiving love, like spending quality time together. But also very different ways. The book even has a quiz for you and your significant other to take to help determine what your love language is. It is no wonder this book is #1 Best Seller on Amazon for marriage books!

3. Show Interest in Each Other’s Passions

I thought marriage was about finding common interests and spending all of our free time doing those things together. Some people do, but we definitely did not.

I mean this in the most loving way possible, but my husband, Aaron, and I couldn’t be more opposite. He enjoys playing video games, tinkering around with RC cars, and occasionally catching up on new TV shows. I love playing around in my craft room, cooking up new recipes, and zoning out to podcasts.

There was one date night in particular that I will never forget. I was a few weeks away from delivering our fourth baby and we decided to go out for one last hoorah. We ended up at our favorite local coffee shop that was hosting a DIY succulent terrarium night. We spent a couple of hours sipping on good coffee and playing in dirt to create a cute decor piece. He later admitted the only reason he agreed to go was because he knew how much fun I would have.

• 

• 

4. Be Respectful at All Times

I understand how easy it is to lose your cool in the heat of the moment. But try really hard to show respect at all times, especially during disagreements. There is nothing more difficult than trying to come to a resolution when one or both of us is being disrespectful. Usually we take this as an opportunity to separate, regroup, and try again to get back on the same page.

An important part of arguments and disagreements is also knowing when to say you’re sorry. Always remember, that at the end of the day, you are on the same team fighting the same fight.

Aside from arguments, another way to ensure you are showing each other respect is to put phones away when you are talking. Social media is already a big enough distraction. Don’t let it interfere with your relationship!

5. You Are In Charge of Your Own Happiness

I remember reading a book years ago that said don’t expect your significant other to make you happy. At first, I thought, if they don’t make me happy, then why commit to being with them?

But what that really meant was never give anyone else control over your own happiness. That is a lot of pressure to put on someone when in reality, YOU are in charge of your own happiness.

When the kids were really little, I remember counting down the minutes until my husband would walk in after a long day at work. I, too, survived another long day and I couldn’t wait for him to come in and rescue me. There’s a difference between giving me a break and being dependent on him to “fix” my day. I control how I feel at the end of the day and it was time to start putting my attitude and mindset in check!

The Secret to a Happy Marriage is Still a Secret

I know with only nine years under our belt, we still have a lot to learn. But I’m so proud that we haven’t broken our promise to stay committed to each other. I love this quote: “A husband and wife may disagree on many things. But they must absolutely agree on this: to never, ever give up.”

I hope this encouraged you to find new ways to improve and grow together! If there’s a lesson you have learned from marriage, please leave it in the comments!