All five of my kids have one thing in common; they light up every room they walk into. I hope they never stop believing they are capable of achieving everything they set their mind to. After all, as parents, our goal is to raise happy and confident kids.
Did you know we are born with only two fears? The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All of the other insecurities, worries, fears, and doubts we burden ourselves with are learned and carried throughout the course of our life.
I remember seeing a quote by Frederick Douglass that I think is worth sharing here: “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men (and women.)” So in hopes of better preparing my children for their future, I have dedicated a lot of my free time to learning how to build up independent, strong, happy, and confident kids.
With my oldest being only 8, I know I still have a lot of work to do. Not to mention the dreaded teenage years ahead that I’m sure will put me to the test. But I think we are off to a great start!
Here is what I’ve learned so far.
Give Them a Safe Place to be Themselves
I’ll never forget the time my oldest spelled out his first cuss word. We were riding in my husband’s car, which sits much closer to the ground than mine and my son was feeling a little car sick. He told me he never wanted to ride in that piece of S-H-I-T ever again. The homeschool teacher in me was proud of him for using that word correctly in a sentence and even spelling it right the first time. But I definitely needed to use this moment as an opportunity to enforce some boundaries.
While I do believe 8 is too young to be walking around cussing, I also believe everybody needs someplace that they are free to be themselves without fear of repercussions, judgement, or ridicule. Have you ever felt the immense stress when you’re in an environment where you feel you are being overly managed? Could you imagine if that stressful place was your own home?
So, contrary to popular opinion, we have decided to continue letting him spell cuss words with the understanding that they never be repeated outside the walls of our home or used to put someone else down. I like giving my kids opportunities to show they can keep their word and I trust they will make good choices.
If the worst thing that happens when my kids grow up is that they have a bad mouth, I’ll still consider myself a very lucky mom. After all, **********
Help Them Communicate Their Emotions
Temper tantrums at any age usually come from the inability to effectively communicate their emotions. We have been pretty lucky that the terrible twos and threenager stages haven’t lived up to their reputation yet. We have definitely had our fair share of meltdowns around here. But I know, with four girls, it’s bound to get worse. I’d love to offset the drama associated with these high emotions by giving them the proper vocabulary to tell us what’s wrong.
We love these “A Little Spot of Feelings” books. They are perfect for younger kids in introducing social-emotional skills.
Children Will Listen When They Feel Listened To
Even as adults, there is nothing more frustrating than feeling like nobody is listening. I would guess that almost 90% of the conflicts that arise in our house are because someone wasn’t listening. So make sure you’re scheduling time to give them your undivided attention. Try using the down time or app limit feature on your smart phone to keep the notifications and distractions at bay.
One of my favorite things to prioritize is eating dinner together every night. I love finding conversation starter questions that create some fantastic family discussions. There is so much we can learn about one another if we just listen.
Helping with Household Responsibilities
Kids want to feel needed because this fosters a sense of purpose and belonging.
But, let’s be honest, kids don’t give a crap about how clean the house is. Most of the time, they seem to be blind to how bad it really is. Instead of insisting that they get started on their chores when I want them to, I try a different approach by asking them when they would like to start. That way, they get to determine how much time is appropriate to finish whatever is important to them at that moment like coloring, drawing, gaming, playing or snacking. Then, they are also more likely to finish their chores the first time because they aren’t thinking about what they didn’t get to finish before I interrupted them.
Our kids earn a weekly allowance for doing their chores. We collectively decided allowance day is Saturdays at noon. That way, if the kids had any days where they didn’t feel like doing anything (we call them brain break days,) they have time to catch up on their responsibilities before losing out on their allowance that week.
It is all about compromise! I love this quote I found from Donna Martini, “Compromise is not about losing. It is about deciding that the other person has just as much right to be happy with the end result as you do.”
If you are needing some suggestions on where to start with household responsibilities, check out my other blog post, Age-Appropriate Chores for Kids.
Children Are Everything Adults Wish They Could Be
There’s a lot I can learn from how carefree, optimistic, happy and confident my kids are. There is nothing I love more than tucking their giggly butts into bed at the end of the day knowing they feel safe, secure, and loved. We may not be able to change the course of the future for our kids but we can better prepare them for it.
I’d love to hear from you! Let me know in the comments what you are doing to raise happy and confident kids.
