How to Manage Motherhood: Multiple Kids Edition

I recently wrote a post, How to Prepare Your Toddler For a New Baby. In that post, I gave my best advice on how to prepare your only child for a new brother or sister. It is easy to forget how tough those first few weeks are after bringing your new baby home.

You’ve done this before. But, at the same time, you haven’t done this before. So what’s the secret to managing motherhood with more than one child? Letting go of all your expectations and taking it one day at a time.

I might have a few other useful tips…read on!

Babyproof Your Marriage

Your relationship with your spouse will change just like it did after you had your first baby. But change is a good thing! Change causes you to grow and together, you will grow in your ability to depend on one another. You have to remember that parenting is a journey. It involves children growing but also parents growing along side them as well.

Picture your family as a tree. You and your spouse are the roots of the tree that are meant to keep the tree grounded. As you have children, your tree grows and branches out. The more kids you have, the bigger your tree. Now, if your tree has weak roots, what happens when there is a little bit of wind? The tree falls over, right? So, what do you think happens when you add the high winds of kids and stress to a marriage with weak roots? You got it! Your family tree falls over.

To keep your roots firmly planted, make sure you are vulnerable with each other. Express your feelings, wants, and needs. Communication is so important! Emotions will run high and things will get a little tense as you are both exhausted and sleep deprived.

So don’t forget to take time to nurture your marriage. Try to prioritize date nights. But if it isn’t always that easy to get away, try to do weekly checkins instead. My husband and I pick one night a week where we stay up a little later to actually have a conversation without any interruption. Or try to find an activity you both enjoy. We like cooking together on the weekends. Find something that works for you and don’t forget to put it on the calendar!

Importance of Self Care

Life with more than one kid means self care is twice as difficult but also twice as important. You need to learn to prioritize happiness over your task list. There is so much pressure for Moms to do it all. Manage the house, buy the groceries, feed the kids, pay the bills, and help with school. We are lucky to get the opportunity to shower everyday. No wonder I feel like I have aged so fast after having kids.

Have you ever heard the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup? Slow down and take care of yourself!

It took me many years to figure out the importance of having my own hobbies outside of raising a family. I felt selfish for wanting to do something for me. I recently set up a craft corner in our basement that I can escape to. Usually I have to wait until my husband is home from work. But I had no idea how doing something for just myself would impact my mental stability and well-being.

Find Your Tribe

Just when you start to think you are getting this whole parenting thing figured out, along comes the next baby. Then, all over again, you constantly second guess if you are doing this right or if are even doing enough.

Quit being so hard on yourself! It is so easy to compare yourself to the best version of other moms you see on social media. If I have learned anything from the last eight years of motherhood, it’s don’t fall into the social media trap.

You really just have to find your tribe, or the group of people that you can count on to be there for you through the best and worst of days. The other moms that will give you the best advice when you desperately need it. My tribe consists of my husband (obviously), a few family members, a couple of neighbors, and a handful of friends that turned into family. They say it takes a village but the village doesn’t have to include everybody and their brother.

Delegate Your Duties

For your own sanity, it is important to find tasks that you can delegate to others that will allow you to continue focusing on your most important tasks. Only you can be a mom to your kids. But anyone can do the dishes, shop for groceries, or clean the house.

If you haven’t discovered how glorious curbside grocery pickup is, you need to. You need to, now! I started doing curbside pickup before Covid made it a really popular option. But, honestly, I can’t tell you the last time I went into a grocery store for more than ten items. Shopping online also helps me to stick to a weekly grocery budget and not overspend on everything that looks tasty.

I can’t wait until I can splurge on a housecleaner. But until then, I had to let go of my OCD and thinking the house could only be cleaned one way correctly. Now that my kids are older, they have taken on their own responsibilities that help with managing our household. Plus, they tend to work faster if I encourage them with a fun activity for when their work is all done. We work hard and we play hard!

You Can Handle Anything

Allow yourself some adequate time to figure out a routine that works. I have found that we usually have a solid idea of a working routine by the time baby is eight weeks old. Those first eight weeks allows enough time for everyone to adjust to the new addition and give you a glimpse of the new family dynamic.

My last piece of advice is to always give yourself grace. You’re learning this as you go, just like the rest of the family. I often joke, if you can handle two kids, you can handle anything! So don’t be too hard on yourself because behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it all up.

What is your best piece of advice you were given on having more than one child? Let me know in the comments!