Have you ever watched the movie, Cheaper By The Dozen? Tom (Steve Martin) and his wife, Kate (Bonnie Hunt), live in a small town with their twelve kids. Tom is suddenly offered a college football coaching position in a new city. At the same time, a publisher offers to buy Kate’s parenting memoir she wrote while staying home and raising her kids. As a family, they packed up their lives to chase these new opportunities. They thought trading their simple, country life to make more money to afford a huge house and nice things for their kids was the end goal they were trying to achieve. But instead, the chaos and separation caused their family to fall apart.
Like Kate in the movie, I have also wondered if trading my time at home for money would put us in a better position. I have often felt guilty for not contributing to our family’s finances. But, every time I think about trading my current stay-at-home mom position for a paid position, I get sick to my stomach knowing I would feel so empty and unfulfilled.
The Most Undervalued Job
There was one winter where I started working for Amazon very part time to help keep us afloat while my husband’s construction job was slow. I remember picking my son up from a birthday party one day, he was six at the time. On the way home, we were talking about how I had to work that afternoon. He cried and begged me not to go. It wasn’t that my kids didn’t enjoy hanging out at home with their dad. My son was upset because none of my kids knew any different. From the time they were born, I had been home with all of them.
I understand that being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for everybody. It consists of some very long days, a few too many bosses, and occasionally, very little spoken appreciation. Did I mention it’s also not paid?
Every job comes with its fair share of downfalls. But being a stay-at-home mom is so rewarding, it’s worth not getting paid for it (most days.)
The Ultimate Career
There are so many benefits to being a stay-at-home-mom! Extensive research has been done to see how children are affected by having mom home during their first year of life and the long term benefits of this.
Some of the benefits, for both mom and child, include:
- No job related stress
- More family time
- More sleep: even if I have restless nights with the baby or I am up all night with sick kids, I am able to sleep in in the mornings
- Improved academic performance
- Stability: my children are secure in their health, safety, and relationships
- Lower stress levels: studies show that children who attend regular daycare have increased amounts of the stress hormone, cortisol, which leads to increased aggression in boys and anxiety in girls
- There is more time for me to cook nutritious meals that we can enjoy together: never underestimate the healing power of a good home cooked meal after a long day
- I don’t miss anything: I have witnessed all of their major first milestones
- We get to do lots of fun activities together (which is their favorite reason why they love me being at home)
- Very little childcare expenses
I Will Never Look Back and Think, “I Spent Too Much Time With My Kids”
Cheaper By The Dozen, as cheesy as it sounds, helped me see how irreplaceable I am to my family. I may not contribute much to our family in terms of money. But what I do contribute is far more valuable than money will ever be. I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
If you would like to know how I manage being a stay at home mom, check out my other post, How to Manage Motherhood: Multiple Kids Edition.
6 Comments
Thank you for talking about your perspective as a stay at home mom! I’m definitely in the boat of “it’s not for me”. I struggle a lot with patience and it’s hard for me even having my little one home with me every other Monday when I’m not working. As a stay at home mom, I’d be super interested in what easy activities you do with your kids during the day. My girl is 18 months and she gets bored (and then cranky) so easily that I’ve considered sending her to daycare even on my Mondays off since I can’t help but feel like she’d be happier there. This isn’t what I want, but I don’t know what to do with her all day! It makes me feel like a complete failure, and even embarrassed, that I can’t seem to keep her occupied all day…
First off, never feel embarrassed or like you’re a failure! Your little ones routine includes going to daycare where she is engaged and playing with other kids all day long. So of course she expects that from you when you are home with her! It gets exhausting, I’m sure! Although it feels like forever ago that I had only one kid, I definitely remember struggling with constantly having to be the source of entertainment for a toddler. My go to activity is always play dough. I have a tutorial on building your own play dough kit along with the best recipe for play dough on my blog. I also love building block/magnetic tiles/bristle blocks, sticker books, little people sets, etc. Basically, whatever I needed to get done was on the floor, next to my toddler. 18 months is such a fun age but a challenging one. Hang in there, Mama! You’re doing a great job!
Aw what a thoughtful and insightful post! If I ever have any more kids I would for sure be a stay at home mom. Financially it would make sense. But for now I work full time, but there are some days I would love to just be at home. To be the one to pick up from school and do drop off without having to depend on their grandma. To be home to start dinner early and keep our house clean throughout the week. I definitely see the pros of staying home. So glad you get that opportunity!
Love this!!! I SO wish we could afford me staying home full time. Just getting extra time due to a teacher’s schedule, I can say you’re absolutely right–time with your kids is invaluable and never something you’ll regret sacrificing for!
Thank you for this post! Sometimes I feel very insecure about being a stay at home mom, but this reminds me of all the reasons I value it and love it.
Thanks for your blog, nice to read. Do not stop.