The last time I wrote here was July of 2023. I shared with you how I was overcoming the battle of going from full time stay at home mom to juggling a part time work from home job as a writer. At the very end of that blog, under a section titled, “How to Balance Working from Home and Parenthood,” I told the whole world to prioritize me time. As I was reading that, it’s ironic that I find myself here.
That’s nearly two years of silence on a blog that once felt like my favorite place on the internet. A place where I could process, connect, reflect, and share. The world didn’t stop turning, and I certainly didn’t find the secret to getting time to stop – I just got caught in the current.
Since then, I switched jobs, started writing about tree care full-time, and somewhere along the way, I got promoted to editor. Add that to the list of hats I wear everyday: homeschool teacher, mom of six, full-time employee, laundry doer, meal maker, never-ending question answerer. You get it. While I was busy trying to find myself, I wound up losing myself, too.
What Gets Lost When You’re Trying to Do It All
When you’re stretched thin, hobbies are the first thing to go. You don’t even consciously choose to give them up – it’s more like they slowly fade into the background while you’re busy keeping everyone else fed, educated, clean(ish), and loved. And before you know it, joy– real, soul-deep joy – slips through the cracks before you even realize it’s missing.
The truth is, lately I’ve been walking around with this quiet little ache I couldn’t quite name. A fog. A heaviness. Like I was homesick, but not for a place – for a version of me I barely remember.
I’d try to talk about it when I could. I’d say things like, “I don’t know who I am anymore,” or “I spent my entire 20s waiting for a sliver of free time, and now that I finally have a little space, I don’t know what to do with it.”
And the wild thing is – I should be happy. I am happy in so many ways. But there’s this undercurrent, this whisper that something is missing. That I’ve spent so long being everything for everyone else, I forgot how to just be me. Not “Mom,” not “Editor,” not “Wife,” not “Teacher.” Just…Jess.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think a lot of us get to this point – especially women, especially moms – where we look around and realize we’ve built beautiful lives full of love and purpose, and yet we still feel a little hollow inside. Not because we’re ungrateful. Not because we don’t love our people. But because we’ve been so busy meeting everyone else’s needs that we forgot to ask what we need.
And for me, that question – what do I actually need? – is what led me back here.
A Podcast, a Walk, and a Wake-Up Call
Recently, I was out for a walk, airpods in, trying to do one of the million things that I “should” be doing – prioritizing my health – and I heard Rachel Hollis tell a story that gave me goosebumps.
She talked about an event where she was speaking to a crowd that felt completely flat. She was walking them through a visualization exercise – one that usually gets people lit up and leaning in – but this time, the energy just wasn’t there.
Finally, one man in the front row spoke up and said, “What’s the point? I’ve done all the things.” He was in his 50s, owned a home, had a wife, and beautiful kids. The checklist was complete, but he still felt empty.
And I thought…oh no. That’s me.
I’ve done the things. Built a wonderful family, have a husband I’ve adored for the last 12 years, and hit milestones in my profession I didn’t think would happen without a college degree. And yet, there’s this nagging voice inside that whispers, Is this all there is? Not in an ungrateful way. I love my people and I love my life. But I’ve been so busy checking the boxes that I forgot to ask myself what I actually want. What brings me joy beyond being needed.
Writing My Way Back to Me
Writing used to be that thing for me.
Blogging was never about going viral or building a brand. It was about connection. It was about those quiet messages from moms across the world who read my messy thoughts and said, “me too.” I miss that.
So, this post is me dusting off the blog, breathing life back into it, and not worrying too much about where it goes. It’s a journal entry, a love letter, a weird, emotional toe-dip back into the water.
I don’t have a content calendar or even really a plan, I just have this tug in my chest that says, write again.
So I will.
This space won’t be perfect. But it’ll be honest. You can expect more musings on motherhood, homeschooling, marriage, exhaustion, and joy. Maybe a craft or two. Who knows?
But for now, just know – I’m back, baby! Still messy. Still searching. Still showing up.
